I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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