Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
