Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
