I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your penis caused this!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
