im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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