It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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