i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
