Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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