How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
