You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They are going to name an STD after you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
