it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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