i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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