Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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