Got a toothbrush?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
