I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
