Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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