Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
