I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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