some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
