One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
