People in love make me want to vomit
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
