Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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