He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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