Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
