Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
