____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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