last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
