mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
