nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
