I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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