About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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