Pappa wants mamma naked
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Floor bacon is actually really good
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
