Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
