I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
