he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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