If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
