Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
