I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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