i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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