I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
