I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
