she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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