wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
