Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
