What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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