Your tits are I can't wait for
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
