Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
