Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have feelings that need drinking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
