i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
