She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
