Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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