The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
